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Love Through the Mess

My toddler is having a melt down while I am changing my kicking, crying infant’s full diaper. As Grayson is jumping around to avoid my swatting, he hits my elbow then nearly plants his foot in the motherload resting on the ground by my knee. I start to lose it.

Who is this tyrant I gave birth to? What the hell is wrong with him? My normally calm voice breaks into a feverish mom voice. Like a boiling pot with a lid on, irrational things start to escape from my mouth. Some of them might be swear words. I start to threaten this small maniac. I sound kinda crazy.

And like that, a lifetime of training goes down the tubes. Mindfulness? Staying centered and grounded? Not today.

I begin to feel urgently that those with anger management issues should NEVER be parents. No one but my three year old has ever elicited this sort of rage from me. And he is a truly great kid.

Less than an hour later, the diaper is clean and Grayson is sitting happily drawing.

He’s perfectly fine. And I am still pissed. I feel harried, frazzled, tired, resentful and messy. I have not brushed my teeth or combed my hair and we need to get to preschool.

In some variation or degree, this is a weekly, if not daily experience for me. Even as I’m writing this, I can feel the pent up anger in my chest and the heaviness of the shaming voice saying “why don’t you have this figured out yet?! You’re supposed to be a teacher.”

I rack my brain for a mantra, a practice, a yoga pose that will help me stay calm through the chaos of my children, help me be a parent that’s a little more like Mr. Myagi, or like Buddha. But nothing seems all-encompassing enough for this….

…And then last night as I was closing up my computer, out of things to write (I did not come up with a mantra ) I recalled a conversation I had on Easter Sunday with my brother in law. He shared something he had heard his pastor say that morning. He said,

“The world is messy right now. Our job is simply to love through the mess.”

I was thinking it sounded like a great blog post but it did not occur to me until last night to apply it to my own little life. What if we could stop trying to fix things and just love?

What if I could stop trying to control my kids, running after Grayson with the vacuum, cringing every time he eats toothpaste? Just love him more, and perhaps more to the point, love myself more. Stop trying to “get it right”.

As I consider this idea of “loving through the mess”, my chest literally relaxes. It feels warm. My jaw softens.

Then I start to wonder….can I actually begin to love the mess itself? And then I realize, I already do.


Camron Momyer is a Reiki Therapist and Intuitive Healer based in Seattle, WA. By accessing more joy and less worry, she helps others easily step into their life purpose. You can learn more about her and book a remote reiki session on her website, www.soulsourcedenergy.com

 

#LoveThroughtheMess #love #selflove

One Question That Will Change Your Relationship With Yourself

I showed up to yoga, stressed to the max with everything I had to do. I had talks to give, taxes to do, people to get back to, a book to complete, and a blog article to write. As my yoga instructor was guiding us through her sequence, I found myself cycling between feeling overwhelmed about how I was going get everything done, what I should write my blog article about, and trying to remind myself that I needed to be present.

When suddenly I had an epiphany.

I realized that with my crazy workload, that I was treating myself in the same way my parents treated me. Growing up the mantra was to work hard, and if you weren’t good enough, it was because you weren’t working hard enough. There was no room for taking a breath. There was no room for fun and play. There was no room for acceptance of myself just for being me. Nothing I did was ever enough.

But just because my parents instilled these workaholic, you-will-never-be-enough messages on to me, it didn’t mean that I had to continue to treat myself this way.

And so in the spirit of yoga, I asked myself, ”What is the most loving thing I can do for myself right now?”

Suddenly with this one question, everything shifted for me. I realized I need to infuse this question throughout my life. I realized that asking this question would help me say no to the things I did not want to do. Asking this one question would help me have more my balance in my life. Asking this one question would help me forgive myself when I do things I regret. Asking this one question would help me better recover from loss. This question is a profound expression of self-compassion.

There are many other benefits to self-compassion. An increasing body of research is showing that self-compassion foster’s mental health. When we realize we are all human, and thus will make mistakes and even fail, it becomes easier to pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off, and get back on our feet again. So many of us beat ourselves up when we make mistakes or fail, and that only takes us into a downward spiral of self-loathing, and increases our stress. Alternatively, when we exercise self-compassion in those moments, we can focus on how to do better next time. Self compassion breeds resilience.

Self-compassion also helps us recover from loss. We might be good at being there for others when they experience loss, but struggle to do it for ourselves. Learning to treat ourselves as if we were our own best friend, will help us deal better with loss and move on.

My answer to this question was that I needed to limit the amount of time I spend on each task, and to make sure I prioritize my need for rest and renewal. Just by making this decision alone, I felt an enormous amount of relief! My new goal is not perfection with my work, but practicing self-compassion in the face of imperfection.

So in the spirit of the upcoming Valentine’s Day, I invite you to express love towards yourself by practicing self compassion. You can do this with one simple question sprinkled through the day. Make sure you have the question handy when you feel stressed, have experienced a loss, or feel inadequate.

The question is:

What is the most loving thing I can do for myself right now?

Has this question inspired any insights? How do you think it will change your life?

Please share in the comments below!


This post was written by Collective member Dr. Tina Huang of Lifelong EnerJoy.  If you would like more support in expressing self-compassion, Tina has a relationship detox to empowerment program that might be a good fit for you. Learn more about it here and contact her here to schedule a complementary consultation.